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Kimberly Quinn Smith
Excerpts from "Striving for the Purple Heart" − Page 2 of 2
The Single Mother
The Single Mom truly is a supermom, in every sense of the word. She most often has an element of injured-ness which provides for the motivation and energy needed to keep her moving, much like the batteries inside the Ever-Ready Bunny. We know this because abandonment is involved, whether by death or by separation. He may have left, or Single Mom may have left due to unhealthy circumstances. Either way, there is injury. She keeps on going and going . . . And the reason she keeps going and going is because she has no other choice. If she doesn’t work, her kids don’t eat and have no where to rest their heads at night. If she doesn’t get up in the middle of the night with her sick child, no one else will. If she doesn’t take her lunch hour to attend a parent-teacher conference, or if she can’t make it to a school concert, her children will know that they do not have a parent there to be with them. The Single Mom is a survivor. She is a champion at “cutting corners” and does whatever she has to do to get the job done. She is mother father, and breadwinner. She is never “off.” Be Consistent
One of the biggest challenges younger children are faced with today is being given too many choices and too much control over their lives. They don’t want it and developmentally, they cannot handle it. Children need us to be consistent. They need to know that we are trustworthy and reliable. They need to know that they can count on us and they learn this through repeated experiences of us doing what we say we will do. It’s All About Boundaries
Special Moms
As I begin to write about these incredible moms, I ask myself “where do I begin?” I realize that this is the same question that the special mom asks herself each day when she wakes up in the morning. She has been thrown one of Life’s biggest curveballs, usually with minimal, if any notice. More than likely, if she had any notice it was because an irregularity was picked up on one of her prenatal sonograms. This would give her a few short months to figure out just how she is going to deal with this for the rest of her child’s life and her own. This is also just enough time, while already in a vulnerable and uncomfortable state, to allow every fear known to womankind to enter her mind. This mom pictured her baby as pink and perfect. She had dreams. Now things are different and will be forever. She wonders what her child’s life will be like and how she will find the strength to carry on. The Good Enough Mother
We need to make peace with our past in the sense that we accept that it is in fact, “our past,” and no matter how challenging or damaging it may have been, that it has shaped us. The past is also just that, the past, meaning it will never return again. Right, wrong, or indifferent, we would not be who we are without it. Each of us is a unique individual because of the experiences we have accumulated along life’s journey. As much as a wounded heart would resist the notion, to throw out even the worst of our experiences would change who we are as people. This is when we say to ourselves, “Enough is enough.” It is when we finally reach this point, that we realize and accept that we are also good enough.
Once we incorporate the concept of being good enough into our daily lives, it becomes much easier to let go of the subconscious pursuit of perfection.
The Good Enough Creed
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