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Kimberly Quinn Smith
Excerpts from "On the Fast Track" - Page 2 of 2
Chapter 14
The Internet has opened up a whole new dimension for us. We now have basically unlimited access to information and people the world over with very limited checks and balances. It seems that since the Web is still somewhat in its infancy stage, the part where people are forced to be accountable for their actions by external rules and legislation has not yet caught up. In fact, it is only recently that Internet Law has become a career choice for eager young attorneys. Just as some teens are on a search and destroy mission in other areas, romancing risk at every given chance, so it is with the Internet. What makes the Internet so vulnerable to abuse is the obvious anonymity, as well as the lack realness of permanence of the message sending. Teen bullies, especially, are enjoying this new avenue to torment their victims. They can say far more in cyber-space to completely destroy a classmate’s self-esteem than they ever could in person because they cannot be caught. They do not take accountability for their actions or cruelty, which makes the Internet a feeding frenzy for cyber-cowards. Chapter 16
The ADD teen is present moment oriented, and for the most part cares only about what is going on right here and right now. They are fun and spontaneous, and often very popular, as they like to attract attention and perform for their friends. Of course, this is all well and good until the performance involves something inappropriate or unacceptable and you get a call (or numerous calls) from his school. This is where the negative comes in, and for the ADD teen there is more negative than just about anything else in his or her life. In fact, more than likely, it has been this way since he can remember and he has probably become used to it. This is a very bad thing, as the primary casualty of hearing constant negative about oneself is obviously self-esteem. Everything else, such as reading ability and comprehension, tools to handle frustration and manage distraction, will fall into place along with guidance and consistent effort. What will not automatically improve, however, and may actually take years to heal, is the ADD teen’s self- esteem. When she hears and internalizes daily messages from her people about all that she is not doing
right, her spirit is being damaged. Rarely does a day go by for the ADD teen that she does not have at least one moment of feeling like a failure, and most days there are lots of moments. She is already aware on some level that she is different, and she questions herself constantly as far as what she should or shouldn’t have said, or what she could have done better.
Chapter 21
It is important when dealing with teens, or anyone else for that matter, not to make assumptions or to take what they say personally. The very simple truth of the matter is that we never really know what is in someone else’s world. We can think we do, and often times we feel that we are positive about what is going on with someone, but the fact is that we are merely guessing. Something could have happened in their day, someone could have said something that went straight to their jugular vein and caused some misplaced anger to leak out sideways. For teens especially, they could be having an insecure moment (which happens frequently throughout their day), and we could have walked right in the middle of their internal earthquake. Sometimes these tremors can rank high on the emotional Richter scale. While our teens walk around in silence tryin to process these uncomfortable feelings, or the opposite, when they are acting out on these shaky feelings, we often interpret or smell an attitude in the air. Don Miguel Ruiz writes in The Four Agreements that, “We have a tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear that they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking-we take it personally-then blame them and react by sendiong emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.” Ruiz also talks about giving it our best shot each day. I know that I am often telling our kids simply to do their best, and that we would never be upset with a grade or performance as long as they gave it their best. This also holds true for us grown-ups. Ruiz suggests that, “Under any circumstance, always do your best, no more and no less. But keep in mind that your best is never going to be the same from one moment to the next. Everything is alive and changing all the time, so your best will sometimes be high quality, and other times will not be as good.”
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